


Burning Alive

by wildfrancium



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Disabled Character, Fluff and Angst, Future Fic, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-10
Updated: 2017-09-30
Packaged: 2018-12-25 23:31:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12046572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wildfrancium/pseuds/wildfrancium
Summary: Ronan has the worst bad dream the gang has ever seen.





	1. Chapter 1

Adam lay in bed staring at the ceiling. It was well into the night, but sleep wouldn’t come. He tried to reason that it was because spring break started in three days and he’d be on a plane to the only place that actually felt like home… but he knew that wasn’t it. All day there’d been a whisper of leaves in the wind in his deaf ear. It woke him that morning and all day he’d felt the ghost of a breeze on his neck and the smell of sun baked grass in the heart of summer.

It was like Cabeswater was calling out to him. He’d texted Gansey to ask if there was anything weird in Henrietta or if he felt anything, but he’d said no. Adam had pulled his cards out twice, but they left him with conflicting answers that only spelled danger.

Now at night, it was like the forest was pulling him. Begging him to get up and go to it. He hadn’t felt anything in six long years, and tonight it felt like Cabeswater was being reborn.

He’d texted Ronan, but wasn’t surprised when he got no answer.

Adam had two days of class left before he could leave. And then he’d graduate with his masters in May. Everything was finally winding down. His separation from Ronan was almost over.

Being apart for six years was harder than any class Adam ever took. Ronan was a live wire stripped bare just for him. There were days where the fighting never seemed to end. The fights never had any weight to them. It was all Ronan being angry over what he couldn’t control and Adam being too overtired. After they would fight, Opal would call Adam later to update him on Ronan to know that he was okay.

Adam rolled over trying to block out the rustle of leaves he knew he wasn’t really hearing in his deaf ear. He felt like vines were wrapping around him, tugging him back. But there was nothing there. Only his clock to mockingly tell him he had to be up in four hours.

And then it was gone.

The tugging stopped. The wind stopped. All of it was gone as if snuffed out and leaving him with dread in his stomach. But dread for who? Gansey was the only one truly connected to Cabeswater.

Adam sat up and picked up his phone to call Gansey. His phone beeped in his ear as it rang for Gansey.

Blue answered the phone sounding half asleep.

“Something bad just happened,” Adam said quietly. “I don’t know what, but I could feel it. Is Gansey okay?”

Adam listening while Blue woke Gansey up and asked if he was okay. Blue told Adam he seemed fine, just grumpy. Adam chewed on his thumbnail. That only left Ronan.

“I’ll talk to you later,” Adam said and abruptly hung up. He took a deep breath and dialed Ronan’s phone.

The line was busy.

Adam didn’t know whether to be confused or insulted that Ronan was using his phone in the middle of the night when he’d made it clear he only called Adam.

So, he called again and the line was still busy. He hung up, unsure of what to do besides get dressed and go into the living room. He searched the internet for the off chance that something had happened in Henrietta and was already being reported on. But there was nothing.

He pulled out his cards again; only realizing his hands were shaking as he shuffled them. It couldn’t be Ronan. Ronan was fine just like Gansey was fine. Opal was probably calling for take out again, which Ronan hated by didn’t attempt to make her stop.

But what his cards showed him made him certain it was Ronan. The air felt like it’d been punched out of his lungs. He wanted to tell himself that he’d made a mistake and the cards meant nothing. That he hadn’t been thinking correctly. Anything.

His phone rang.

Adam picked it up and didn’t know if he was relieved or nauseated to see Ronan’s name flashing on the screen with a picture Adam had taken in the summer. Shirtless Ronan holding wildflowers limply in his hand. Opal picked them for him and told him he had to take them back to the Barns. Adam knew he was wearing a flower crown Opal had made for him when he took the picture without Ronan knowing.

He hit answer.

“Hello? Ronan?”

It was Opal, which only caused Adam’s stomach to sink lower. Her voice shook as she told Adam that it was bad. Whatever had been in Ronan’s dream was bad and it hurt him. Bad, bad, bad she kept saying.

“Opal, what are they going to do?” Adam asked to break her out of her repetition of the word bad.

She sighed, her voice soft, like she was fading.

He’s going to the hospital she told Adam.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I spent my whole day at work thinking about this emotional chapter. I hope everyone likes it~

Adam sat with his head in his hands. It never got easier to visit Ronan in the hospital. Three weeks they’d kept him. It’d been very touch and go at the beginning. There were surgeries. There were police reports. There was the witch doctor forcing something down Ronan’s throat to keep him for dreaming in the middle of the damn hospital…

Adam had two weeks until graduation, and after much complaining from Ronan, Ronan was going to stay with Adam until he graduated.

Being away from the Barns was killing him, as Ronan had made perfectly clear. But the thought of being _so_ far away terrified him. And his way of expressing that was to yell and swear and throw things around.

But Ronan could barely walk and when he did he relied heavily on a walker. The nightmare had done a number on his hips and legs. He was patched up, but the healing and recovery would be a process. Not to mention the healing wounds on his torso where, whatever it was, had nearly gouged him to the bone.

“Okay, let’s get the fuck out of here,” Ronan snapped at Adam, finally dressed and discharged. Adam looked at him. He looked better now that he was in his own clothes, but he looked thinner. Bandages were visible beneath his tank. Hospital bracelets were looped around his wrist. Exhaustion in his eyes.

“Okay,” Adam said, taking over pushing Ronan from the nurse. He was silent as Adam took him to the car. Ronan’s car. He said if Adam was going to kidnap him he better do it in a better car. “How do you want me to help?” Adam asked. Ronan grunted at him; bracing his hands on the door and the side of the car, he hauled himself to his feet. Adam chewed on his lip watching Ronan’s knuckles turn white. He tried lifting his leg up, but couldn’t get it very high. The noise of frustration he made hurt Adam’s heart as he reached over and helped Ronan.

He then placed his hands on Ronan’s hips and helped him hoist himself into the car. When Adam moved away, Ronan slammed the door shut. Adam took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He put the wheelchair in the back before climbing into the driver’s seat.

He looked over at Ronan.

“Don’t look at me. Don’t fucking talk to me either,” he snapped turning up the stereo. “I mean it!” he added, shifting in his seat so that he was turned towards the window.

Adam turned away, putting the car in drive and moving forward. He had a lot of things to say to Ronan and he knew a lot of them were things he needed to hear, even if he didn’t want to hear them.

The drive was going to be long and it was clear that, after only half an hour, Ronan was uncomfortable. Adam had picked up his various prescriptions before picking him up. They sat in a white paper bag on the console between the seats.

“I don’t know when you last took something, but one of the painkillers can be taken every four to six hours,” Adam said without looking at Ronan. He felt Ronan’s glare trying to burn into the side of his head, but Adam remained focused on the road.

Ronan turned the music up in response and didn’t touch the bag.

Adam flexed his fingers on the worn leather steering wheel. He couldn’t be mad. He wasn’t mad. Ronan was hurting. But there were measures he could take to reduce at least some of the physical pain.

“Stop the car,” Ronan said as they cruised down the highway. Adam looked over at him, confused. “I said stop the fucking car, Parrish!” he screamed.

Adam glared at him, pulling onto the shoulder. “You can’t scream- Ronan wait!” Adam shouted, reaching for Ronan as he burst out of the car. He tried to awkwardly hop down, but ended up basically falling out of the car. Adam wrenched the keys from the ignition as Ronan started screaming and swearing.

Not in pain though, Adam recognized even though his heart was racing. But in frustration.

“Ronan! Ronan!” Adam shouted as he moved to stop Ronan from smashing his fist into the side of the BMW. “Ronan,” Adam said taking the hand he was punching with.

“Stop it!” Ronan snarled, trying to jerk away. “Stop it I need to! Just let go! Let fucking go!” he screamed at Adam, trying to pull away and push Adam away at the same time.

“I’m not some nurse or doctor you can scare away!” Adam said harshly, tightening his grip on Ronan’s wrist. He was wearing himself out, but he kept trying to push Adam away.

“Go away, Parrish!” he snapped, but it came out weaker. His voice was shaking and he pounded his free hand against the gravel.

Adam moved closer, bringing Ronan’s bruised knuckles to his lips and kissing them gently. Ronan was breathing hard and turned his head away from Adam.

“Go away, Adam,” he said even shakier now. His whole body was vibrating. Adam sat sideways and hooked a leg over Ronan’s, careful not to put weight on him though, and then wrapped his arms around Ronan’s shoulders and pulled Ronan to his chest. He cradled Ronan’s head in one hand, running his fingers through the short hair that had grown in feather soft. He held Ronan tight without crushing him and let Ronan break in his hold.

Ronan cried loud, digging his fingers into Adam’s biceps. But there weren’t many people on the highway in the middle of nowhere. The early May sun was warm, and shone high above them.

Adam hugged Ronan tight as weeks of pain and anger flooded out of him wetting the front of Adam’s shirt. He rested his cheek on top of Ronan’s head as his body shook with each sob. He rubbed his back as Ronan worked through it. He wasn’t sure how long they sat there in the gravel, but he was in no rush.

This was only the beginning. The hospital had insisted he try counseling, but Ronan flat out refused numerous times. They all had known he would. But seeing him so broken hurt Adam because he wasn’t sure how he could help. Ronan’s way to cope had always been self-destructive. He knew this time would probably be no different.

“I love you, Ronan Lynch. Forever and always,” Adam murmured as Ronan quieted down.

“I need painkillers,” Ronan muttered into Adam’s chest.

“Okay,” Adam said, pulling away. Ronan immediately turned away from Adam, wiping his face on his own shirt. “Let me know how I can help you up,” Adam added.

Which he didn’t do, so Adam helped out when Ronan started struggling. Adam shut the door to the car as Ronan put his sunglasses on and opened the prescription bag. Adam went back to the drivers side.

“No more screaming and jumping out of the car,” Adam said calmly as he started the engine. Ronan turned up the music.

“Whatever, Parrish,” he said sounding defeated. Adam took a slow breath. He figured they’d get through the rest of the drive without a break down, but he couldn’t be sure. He glanced at Ronan before pulling away from the shoulder.

It was going to be a long two weeks, but even once they were back at the Barns Adam knew things would be rough and for how long, he had no idea.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Absolutely loved writing this chapter. It's all I thought about all day. The more I write, the more confident about this story I feel. So, thank you all for the lovely comments.
> 
> And warning for some brief mentions of sex.

They made it to the apartment around midnight. Adam knew Ronan was tired, but his bitchiness was getting old. During the drive, when Ronan wasn’t flat out ignoring Adam, he tried to pick fights and rile Adam up.

Still, after getting Ronan into his small apartment, Adam went out to the diner Ronan liked and got them greasy cheeseburgers, too many fries, and thick milk shakes.

He turned the TV on while they ate. While he’d been gone, Ronan had buzzed off all the new hair he’d grown.

“When you’re done, we should shower,” Adam said lightly, eying Ronan as he said it. Ronan just grunted, eyes fixed on the TV. Adam couldn’t tell if they were currently watching a show or a commercial. “All the bandages need to be changed too,” Adam added.

Ronan continued to ignore him. He hadn’t let Adam see the wounds. He hadn’t let anyone; screamed at them to get out when the doctor came to check them. Adam overheard the doctor say they looked almost like claw marks.

He refused to talk about the nightmare, but that didn’t surprise anyone. It was clear it was taking its toll on Ronan though. Adam figured their time together would eventually get Ronan to open up, but when he didn’t know.

“I’m done with my job. I finished on Friday,” Adam said even though he’d already told Ronan. Ronan nodded.

“Just a few classes and your thesis and all that shit left,” Ronan said finally turning to Adam. “And then graduation. Congrats Parrish, you fucking did it,” he said with a quick smile. Adam shook his head, feeling his cheeks heat. For as much as Ronan complained about school and loathed the idea of college, he’d always expressed enormous pride for Adam’s accomplishments. Ronan often boasted to Gansey and Blue as if he was the one to complete a graduate and master’s program in four years while working full time.

Adam cleaned up their trash. Ronan could talk for days about others, but talking about himself? Adam still had to shift through so many walls and thorns and locked doors.

He went up behind Ronan, smoothing his hand of the prickly hair left on Ronan’s head before leaning over and kissing the top of his head. Having Ronan with him made Adam feel better. Having to leave him in the hospital had taken a toll he was glad to be over with.

“Come on, shower,” Adam murmured, lips still pressed to Ronan’s skull while he let his hands slide down to trace over his ears and down his neck to his shoulders. Ronan sighed. “There’s a little bench in the shower.”

“I’m not sitting on a fucking bench in the shower like I’m fucking ninety-eight fucking years old,” Ronan muttered, no energy behind his words.

“Mmm, get up,” Adam said a little sterner, pulling away from Ronan and heading to the bathroom. He knew there was a big part of Ronan that liked taking orders from him, whether it was sexual or otherwise. Ronan always denied it though, of course.

Adam leaned against the door frame leading into the bathroom and watched Ronan slowly get to his feet and then slowly make his way to the bathroom tightly gripping the walker in front of him.

“Don’t look at me,” Ronan snapped. Adam sighed, turning into the bathroom. His apartment was far from fancy, but the bathroom was big with a spacious shower. He set clean towels out and dug through a bag full of gauze and bandages for Ronan.

Ronan pushed past Adam to sit on the toilet. He let his arms drop to his lap and Adam could tell walking the short distance was a strain. Adam lightly tugged on the strap of Ronan’s tank. “Come on, arms up,” he said.

Ronan glared at him, but lifted his arms. Adam pulled Ronan’s shirt off. “I’m not fucking useless, Parrish,” Ronan grumbled. Adam ignored him.

“I’m going to take the bandages off,” Adam said already peeling one away. Ronan turned his face away from Adam as he pulled off the longest bandage that went from the base of Ronan’s throat all the way to his hip.

Adam didn’t react when he finally got to look at the scabbed, jagged line across Ronan’s front. It was pink and healing, but it still looked angry. The two marks to the right were almost as long, running from collarbone to hip over Ronan’s heart. Adam knelt between Ronan’s legs as he removed the last two bandages. He soothed his hands over Ronan’s thighs as Ronan made a choked off noise. He still wouldn’t look at Adam.

“Do they hurt?” Adam asked gently. Ronan shrugged trembling shoulders. “So, a bit then?” Adam asked and Ronan nodded. “They’re healing though. All the bruising is gone.” There had been so much bruising. His entire body had been mottled black and blue.

Adam lifted the hand Ronan had punched the car with. They’d put ice on it, but his knuckles had still bruised purple against his pale skin. The swelling was down though and Ronan said nothing felt broken. The palm of his other hand was cut from the gravel.

“Okay, up. I’ll help you with your pants,” Adam said. Ronan’s breathing was shaky. Adam had expected that much. To suddenly need help in and out of clothes… Adam could only imagine how Ronan felt.

Ronan stood, leaning on his walker, while Adam undid his belt and pushed his jeans and boxer briefs down. He looked up at Ronan’s watery eyes.

“Don’t,” was all Ronan said before shifting towards the shower. He went in and sat on the bench; turning the water on while Adam undressed.

Adam shut the shower door and stood in front of Ronan. The water was hot when Adam stepped under the stream before detaching the shower head and holding it over Ronan. He watched the water run over Ronan’s inked back. The lines looked glossy under the spray. He traced his fingers over the lines on Ronan’s shoulder blades. Lines he knew so well.

Ronan reached out, taking Adam by the hips and pressing his forehead against Adam’s stomach. He shuddered against Adam while Adam continued tracing the sharp lines on his back.

“It’s going to be okay,” he whispered, not even sure Ronan could hear him. Sure, there was school and when they were back in Henrietta Adam would be working full time. But he could deal with all of Ronan’s bitching and screaming and glaring if it meant he could still help Ronan heal. Ronan might look like he wanted to be alone, but Adam knew him well enough to know it was a cry to be held. Ronan just didn’t know how to ask. Or refused to. And Adam knew all his signs and all his tells.

“At least my shampoo is still here,” Ronan said, pushing away from Adam. Adam put the shower head back, standing under the spray while watching Ronan soap up.

Adam chewed on his bottom lip as Ronan swiped a careful hand across his chest. The light caught the barbells through his nipples and Adam held his hand out for shampoo to distract himself. All things aside, Adam hadn’t been with Ronan in over five weeks. His visit during his spring break had been a hospital trip. And it was hard. Being apart was hard. Wanting Ronan was the strongest desire Adam had ever felt and it hadn’t gone away just because he was hurt.

Although he was pretty sure Ronan thought Adam would no longer want him. Adam planned to drill it into him that no matter what happened, Adam still wanted and loved every inch of Ronan Lynch.

 

 

 

They were settled in bed when Ronan started being difficult again. Adam knew he didn’t like to sleep on his back in bed because he felt too exposed, but it seemed to be the only comfortable position. Normally, Ronan slept curled on his side and woke up splayed out on his stomach.

“I’m not drinking that shit. It tastes like horse piss,” Ronan said defiantly when Adam held out the mystery potion the witch doctor had given them. She was someone Blue’s mother had known.

Adam rolled his eyes. “Fine, but it’s here if you change your mind,” he said setting it on the nightstand. He got in bed and leaned over Ronan. He’d given Ronan his space, but he really wanted to kiss his boyfriend.

He leaned down, pressing his lips against Ronan’s. Ronan sighed happily into Adam’s mouth as Adam moved their lips together. Ronan let Adam coax his mouth open and push his tongue in, leaning into Ronan, but careful not to hurt him. The more Adam pushed and took control away from Ronan, the more Ronan pushed back, biting at Adam’s lips, demanding more attention.

Adam moved back, panting and looking down at Ronan. His lips were swollen and his pupils were blown, but he grinned his usually stated grin at Adam. It was a relief to see. And a relief that Ronan pushed himself up to bite Adam’s bottom lip and push his tongue into Adam’s mouth. Adam let him have control for a moment before pushing Ronan back down gently. He forced Ronan’s tongue back until he was bitey again. His hand was fisted in Adam’s hair and he was pulling hard; wanting more.  

“More, Parrish,” Ronan groaned into Adam’s mouth.

“No,” Adam said sucking on Ronan’s bottom lip.

“I need more,” Ronan whined.

“Tomorrow,” Adam whispered, kissing him and then pulling back. Ronan was breathing hard, lips swollen and wet. “Tomorrow,” Adam said again. He was afraid to push Ronan while he was in a fragile state. Especially since he knew Ronan had used sex to cope in the past, although in the wrong way.

Ronan sighed. “Okay,” he murmured, letting his eyes slip shut.

“Love you, Lynch,” Adam said kissing his throat.

“Love you too, Parrish,” Ronan said softly.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for sexual content at the very beginning. If you want to skip that then go to the *** and just know that they try being intimate but Ronan ends up in too much pain and has a melt down. 
> 
> Hope people are enjoying!

Adam woke up with his morning wood pressed against Ronan’s thigh. Adam wanted to curl around Ronan and drift back to sleep, but Ronan’s fingers running through his hair made him look up. Ronan’s eyes were bright despite the dark circles under them.

“You didn’t sleep well?” Adam asked, voice thick from sleep.

“No,” Ronan said flatly.

“What do you want for breakfast?” Adam asked, burying his face in Ronan’s side and breathing in that distinct Ronan scent. He wasn’t used to Ronan wearing a shirt to bed, but said nothing as he’d pulled on one of Adam’s old shirts the night before.

“I dunno,” Ronan said still running his fingers through Adam’s hair.

“What is it?” Adam asked looking up at him again. Ronan turned away, cheeks flushed.

“You’re hard,” he mumbled.

“I know,” Adam said. Ronan grunted. “Do you want me to touch you?” Adam asked. Ronan nodded; the flush creeping up to his ears. That was new. Ronan wasn’t shy about sex or being demanding about sex until Adam had him pushed against the wall.

“I still want to touch you even after everything,” Adam said sitting up.

“Shut up, Parrish,” Ronan snapped moving the blanket so Adam could see he was half hard in his boxer briefs.

“That’s more like it,” Adam said, reaching out and grabbing Ronan’s chin and turning his head so that he could kiss him. He pushed Ronan into the pillow, pulling back when they were both breathless.

“It’s been a long time,” Ronan said.

“I know,” Adam told him. “And I don’t want to rush into it just because it’s been a long time,” he said, Ronan turned away making an embarrassed noise. Adam gripped his chin again, forcing Ronan to look him in the eye. “I mean it. Stop and we stop. We have forever to try again,” Adam said looking Ronan in the eye. Ronan nodded, pupils going wide.

Adam kissed him again, sliding his hand into Ronan’s boxer briefs. His hand slid around Ronan’s cock, gently tugging it to full hardness. Ronan sighed into his mouth, wrapping an arm around Adam’s shoulders, pulling him closer.

They built up a slow rhythm that had Ronan gasping and squirming under him. Adam moved his lips to Ronan’s neck and nipped at the delicate skin. Ronan was getting frustrated from the slow pace, but hadn’t asked Adam to go faster.

Ronan moved, thrusting his hips up to meet Adam’s hand and screamed.

 

*** Adam jerked away from him. “What? What, Ronan?!” he asked, alarmed. Ronan turned watery eyes away from Adam. His body shook and Adam could tell he was trying not to cry. “Ronan,” Adam said gently, reaching out. But Ronan sat up abruptly shoving Adam away.

Adam knew they were about two seconds away from a meltdown. “Ronan, be careful!” he snapped when Ronan wrenched himself to his feet. He wobbled for a moment, before his knees buckled and he crashed to the floor.

“Ronan!” Adam yells over Ronan’s roar. He’s slamming his bad hand into the floor. Kicking his walker across the room all while screaming as Adam tried to get close enough to make him stop.

Ronan chucked his phone across the room, letting it shatter against the wall as Adam wrapped a hand around his wrist to get him to stop hitting the floor.

“What hurts,” Adam asked, holding Ronan’s face in his hands. Ronan had already shut down. He looked at Adam with blank eyes. “Tell me what hurts, Ronan,” Adam begged, trying to keep his voice steady. Ronan just stared back, vacant.

Adam reached up to yank a pillow off the bed, putting it under Ronan’s head. Ronan lay still, crumpled on the floor and now staring at the wall. Adam felt panic well up inside of him. “I’ll go make breakfast,” he whispered. Getting up, he escaped to the living room before the tears burned his eyes. He turned the TV on loud so Ronan wouldn’t hear him sob over the stove.

His hands shook as he cracked eggs into a pan. He’d never seen Ronan so _gone._ Like everything he was had rushed out of him. He knew it was depression. They shouldn’t have tried anything so soon after. Adam knew Ronan was depressed, but seeing him… Adam was terrified. He wanted to run back into the room and beg for Ronan to snap out of it.

He took some deep breaths. He would have his master’s in psychology in a few weeks. He’d worked as a therapist dealing with suicidal teens for two years. He was going to be a high school psychologist. He was prepared for this. He was trained for this. Hell, he was probably over prepared for it.

But it still terrified him. It was Ronan. His Ronan. His everything.

Adam paused to wipe the tears away on the hem of his shirt. There was no noise from the bedroom meaning Ronan was still laying on the ground. He took a deep breath before starting the coffee maker.

They could get through this. They _would_ get through it. It would just take time. Adam knew these things always took time. It was only day one. And as much as he was hurting, he knew Ronan was hurting more.

 

Adam returned to the bedroom with two plates and two mugs. He made the cheesey scrambled eggs Ronan always liked to eat when it was Adam’s turn to make breakfast. Adam set the plate down by Ronan’s head and took a seat next to him.

He ate slowly, reaching over to rub Ronan’s head and encourage him to eat or drink. Ronan did neither. He just continued to stare at the wall. 

Adam sighed. “You can’t drive. I won’t let you drink or do drugs. I know those are your normal coping mechanisms, but you can’t do them and I don’t know what you are going to do instead.” Adam looked at Ronan. He played with Ronan’s ear; stroking the soft skin while he thought about what he was going to say next. “I’m not going to let you hurt yourself,” he whispered. He knew Ronan had before. All of it hurt him. But Adam would die watching Ronan destroy himself.

He ran his fingers over Ronan’s cheek. Ronan’s stubble was rough under his fingertips. He was usually standing on the other side of these situations. He’d be in the doorway assessing the situation, consoling concerned loved ones and saying this or that would be best.

“Your doctor gave you antidepressants to try,” Adam said to Ronan. He had a class later that he’d email his teacher about. He couldn’t leave Ronan. At least not that afternoon. “How about we get back in bed? It’ll feel better,” Adam tired, but still got nothing out of Ronan.

The tears burned his eyes again. His ran his fingers through the dampness on Ronan’s cheek. “It feels different here,” Adam said, choking on a sob. “I know I’ve said it’s weird to be away from the ley line when you didn’t even know it was something to miss. I know that’s why you hate it here with the different energy. But soon we’ll be back home,” Adam said feeling a tear roll down his cheek. “We will be back at the Barns and out in the fields and Opal will be there finding treasures. Maybe we can go back to where Cabeswater was. I know Gansey and Blue won’t be around, but you’ve all said the energy is stronger now.” Adam took a shaky breath, willing himself to calm down. Ronan shook under his hand, crying silently into the pillow.

“We will finally have all the time in the world,” Adam whispered. “My work hours are set, so I’ll always be home for dinner. And you can cook and we can make all those pies we said we’d make. We will take out your mom’s cookbooks and go through page by page. And we can sleep out under the stars and time won’t mean anything anymore because we will be together. No more distance or weekend visits. No more,” Adam said wiping his eyes with the hem of his shirt again. He sniffled loudly as he tried to calm himself.

“Bad things happen to good people,” Adam continued. “I know you don’t consider yourself a good person all the time or even most of the time, but sometimes bad things just happen. But we can still move forward. We will still move forward,” Adam told him. “Today… we will try and try until we find a way that works, but sometimes it won’t work and that’s okay. I don’t care if it takes years. We’ll find a way to make everything work. You’re still healing. Your wounds are still fresh, but it doesn’t make me love you any less. It’s always going to be me and you.”

Adam traced his fingers over Ronan’s jaw to his ear to his hair. He scratched his nails lightly over the rough hair. “You’re bleeding,” he said quietly, looking at the small stain on the front of Ronan’s shirt. “I have to fix the bandage and you have to get off the floor. We can get the heating pad for your hips. We can just lie in bed all day,” he said as he managed to roll Ronan onto his back. He pulled Ronan’s shirt up and removed the bloody bandages. When he’d fallen and thrashed around, he’d pulled at the wounds. Most looked fine though. Just a few areas needed to be cleaned up.

Ronan kept his eyes on the wall the entire time.

After Ronan was cleaned up, Adan pulled him so that he was sitting. He slumped his dead weight against Adam’s chest, while Adam ran his fingers up and down Ronan’s spine.

“I only know a little bit,” Adam said softly, “about how everything was dislocated and stretched out like you were being pulled apart. But this floor is not good for healing. I can’t lift your dead weight onto the bed and I don’t want to hurt you, so please help me, help you,” Adam whispered, trying to keep his voice steady.

Then Adam waited. Ronan didn’t move and Adam watched the sunlight move across the room. It didn’t get too far, it was still before noon when Ronan nodded against Adam’s chest.

“You’ll get back in the bed?” Adam asked and Ronan nodded again. Adam stood before helping Ronan back to bed. He helped Ronan get as comfortable as he could and then went to get the heating pads.

Adam got back in bed with Ronan, who still wouldn’t make eye contact, and emailed his teacher. When everything was settled, Adam lay down and curled against Ronan’s side. He took Ronan’s hand in his and gave it a squeeze.

“Talk about home,” Ronan whispered, voice rough.

“Okay,” Adam said. “Okay I can do that.”

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not feeling very confident about this work, but I hope everyone enjoys!~


End file.
